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心路獨舞:還記得賀梅案嗎?有點狗血 但很真實

2008年2月9日早已在美國失去合法身份的賀紹強率全家搭機飛回中國,受到國內各界熱烈歡迎,甚至有媒體稱他是中國好爸爸,為中國人爭了光。賀紹強在湖南的一所大學找到了工作,賀梅計劃入讀一所英語教學的國際學校。但是沒想到的是不久後,賀紹強與羅秦協議離婚,兒子跟賀紹強,兩個女兒歸羅秦。

你還記得賀梅案嗎?如果不記得,可以谷歌或者百度,這裡撿重要的說吧。

1995年,賀梅的生父賀紹強以學生簽證來到美國亞利桑那州立大學留學,兩年後又獲獎學金和助教津貼進入田納西州孟菲斯大學,賀梅生母羅秦後以陪讀身份赴美,到美後很快懷上賀梅。在羅秦懷孕期間,賀紹強被來自中國的另一名女生指控性侵害,讓賀紹強一家陷入經濟、法律和移民身份的多重困境。作為權宜之計,他與羅秦在第三方見證下籤訂了一份法律文件,將出生僅4個多月女兒賀梅的臨時監護權移交給當地一對白人Baker(貝克)夫婦。麻煩的是,這份見證方認定只用於過渡的臨時監護權文件沒註明任何時限。10個月後,為女孩的撫養權中美兩個家庭進入法律拉鋸戰,官司從田納西州地方法院一直打到最高法院,當親生父母一方最終獲勝後的第3天賀梅已整整8歲。7年訴訟,事件進程可用表格來羅列,法律條文可以用辯論來解讀,而那些糾結的情感和傷痛,無法簡單用言語傳遞。

2008年2月9日早已在美國失去合法身份的賀紹強率全家搭機飛回中國,受到國內各界熱烈歡迎,甚至有媒體稱他是中國好爸爸,為中國人爭了光。賀紹強在湖南的一所大學找到了工作,賀梅計劃入讀一所英語教學的國際學校。但是沒想到的是不久後,賀紹強與羅秦協議離婚,兒子跟賀紹強,兩個女兒歸羅秦。羅秦不願子女分開,帶著三個孩子回到家鄉重慶,但沒有錢負擔三個孩子上民辦雙語教學的小學,還是四川外語學院附屬雙語學校的一位學生家長匿名為賀梅三姐弟繳齊了學費,讓他們三人重返校園,同時賀紹強在湖南失業。2011年夏天賀梅攜弟妹到美國孟菲斯度暑假,貝克家熱情接待,這個消息當時曾在美國華人當中引發過轟動,不少人為賀梅的命運唏噓,也為貝克夫妻的大愛叫好,後者表示,希望以後賀梅每個夏天都能訪問他們,8月15日賀梅及其弟妹返回中國。

到此,這件事應該算是個無法美滿但還算萬幸的一個結局了,然而我沒想到的是這其實只不過是開始,後來發生的事情我是最近才從孟菲斯當地(Local Memphis)新聞網路中看到的。

按美方的報道,賀紹強回國兩個月以後拋棄了家庭,離婚過程很狗血。六年後到了賀梅上高中的年齡,羅秦覺得最好讓她回美國上高中,於是給貝克夫妻打電話問他們是否可以接納賀梅。當然貝克夫妻會說Yes,當時傾家蕩產賣房子打官司不就是為了領養賀梅把她留在美國嘛,經歷波折種種,如今生母居然同意送她回來,貝克夫妻生怕她反悔才對,不過好事還是雙份的,賀梅的16歲的妹妹目前也住在貝克家裡在美國讀書。

今年春季,賀梅在美國即將高中畢業,如今她已經克服了對這件事情的恐懼不安,願意麵對媒體談論曾諱莫如深的過去,包括從不穀歌自己的名字,她說,‌‌“記住我自己的過去是不可避免的,這是我的一部分,我應該擁抱真實的自我。‌‌”(Remembering something from my past is inevitable. It’s part of me and I should embrace the truth about myself)當然面對過去也包括談論和自己已經疏遠的爸爸賀紹強,說他只在向她索要照片的時候才會和她聯繫,他只是貼出我的照片,但從來不會做出了解我的努力,包括聖誕節或者我的生日,他不會給我買禮物,甚至不會給我打電話……‌”Excuse me?辛辛苦苦打了幾年官司,那麼多志願者和免費律師的工作,難道最終是為了做這樣的一個父親?I am lost.

不過賀梅已經或者至少她自己認為已經走出了過去的陰影,她正在申請紐約的大學,並說自己未來的夢想是成為一個美國外交官,而經歷如此一場諷刺轉折的貝克夫婦也捐棄前嫌為目前的現狀深感慶幸,他們非常為今天的賀梅、不、還是應該叫她Anna而自豪,Anna能說三種語言,而且個性陽光,她在申請大學的散文中寫下了自己這幾年的心路歷程,讀起來非常感人,我把文章貼在這裡供懂英文的人自己閱讀吧。

I often found myself waking up in someone else's arms; sometimes it was my mom,

occasionally, it was my dad, but mostly, I wasn’t even sure who it was. I just knew that I was

being carried by someone to somewhere very far away.

Before then, I remember being like my friends. I loved going to school and having

Pizza Friday. Show-n-tell was my favorite, because everyone’s eyes sparkled with astonishment

when they found out that my parents were different from me— they are Caucasian and I am

Asian

Soon I realized that I was different from my friends. Their pictures were not on tv or in

the newspaper. Strangers did not whisper and point at them. They were never checked out of

school to see a special doctor who drew pictures and repeatedly asked the same questions. I’d

come home crying to my mom, confused why these things were happening to me. She’d hug me,

telling me that everything will be okay, even though we both know it wasn't. It did not make

sense then. I was only eight years old when the arms of a psychologist snatched me. She tightly

gripped my waist and legs and I held onto the banister as if it were a rope that could save my life.

My tears blurred my vision, and soon, everything else that followed became a blur as well.

The next thing I knew, I moved to China. I was introduced to people who were

supposedly my“real” family, but I didn't feel that way. In front of the cameras, my biological

parents were all smiles. They took me and my siblings out for fancy meals, bragged about my

progress since the drastic move, and emphasized their love for me. But behind close doors, they

were the opposite. They sent me to boarding school, lived in a rundown neighborhood, and

divorced a few months after moving to China. I felt lonely, and I felt as if my childhood was in

the hands of everyone else except for me.

I could no longer perceive my reality anymore. I was a puppet, completely lifeless and

numb. From the many new reports to interviews, I soon found myself playing their game of“best

interest.” Whatever they wanted out of me, I gave them: The poor, innocent Chinese-American

girl who is a victim in two families’ feud for custody.

I later realized that I allowed my childhood to define me. After the Supreme Court

ruling that decided to send me to my biological parents was official, I felt out of place in China

and in the States. People always associated me with the situation rather than viewing me as a

child with actual interests and hobbies that I had. Sometimes, I was envious of other kids my age

who had a seemingly normal childhood; occasionally, I was in denial for how my childhood

played out in this not-so-ideal way; but mostly, I was lost in my own subconscious. I could not

pinpoint which family to claim, but most of all, who I was as an individual.

The truth is, it took years to finally realize that my situation helped me find my identity,

not hinder it. My life has been a journey, the departure was frightful, the road was windy, and the

destination was deceiving. But I came back home. I learned a new language and went to different

countries that were misrepresented. I learned to love my biological family and understand

multiple perspectives. I gained courage to share my story that once haunted me. Out of

everything that I once couldn’t understand, I learned to use those though circumstances to grow

me.

阿波羅網責任編輯:江一  轉載請註明作者、出處並保持完整。

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